A Lifetime of Friendships… and a Few Unsubscribers

Hey guys… yeah, I know. I ghosted. Disappeared. Vanished into thin air like a Netflix show that got canceled after one season. But guess what? I’m back because my brain decided to go on an overthinking spree, and instead of spiraling at 2 AM, I thought, why not overshare on the internet instead?

So, quick life update: Life is good. Like, really good. I have an amazing family, an even more amazing boyfriend (ugh, obsessed with him), and the financial freedom to eat whatever I want, whenever I want. True success.

But friends? Hmm. Let’s talk about that.

Everyone knows I’m the most extroverted extrovert to ever exist. I talk, I vibe, I make friends easily. But do I have friendssss? You know, the ones? The type of friends who’d bail me out of jail at 3 AM (or at least send me a “LMAO, what did you do?” text)?

Let’s get into it.

Anzif : — my best friend since I was 15. And guess what? We’re still best friends. No drama, no weird phases, just consistent friendship. I can call him anytime, and he will pick up. My family loves him, my other friends love him, the stray cat outside my house probably loves him too. He’s just that kind of person. Certified cutie.

Then we have Arsha. Met her in 2017, meaning I was 17. Besties since. I know she loves me. But can I call her anytime? HELL NO. Can I text her in an emergency? Absolutely not. Because homegirl will not see it. Not because she’s ignoring me, but because she’s caught up in that “I have a job, I live abroad, I have responsibilities” life. Also, bad WiFi. And a VPN that works about as well as my patience. But when she does get free time? She makes up for all of it. Long-ass calls, endless texting, buying me gifts, inviting me over she even stayed with me for a whole week. So yeah, I forgive her.

Next up, Gopika. The way we met? Pure chaos. Started as mutuals, became friends, became closer friends, then best friends. And now? I don’t even know what to call her. Sister? Soulmate? Twin flame? All I know is …I love this woman. She’s there for me always. Comforting me, hyping me up, making sure I’m okay. Honestly, if I hadn’t met Roshan and fallen in love with him, I definitely would’ve asked Gopika out. No regrets.

And then we have Arjun and Aiswarya. Siblings, but basically my personal hype squad. I love them with my whole heart. Sometimes I feel like they’re the only people who have been consistently, genuinely friends with me. They check in, they stay connected, they actually care. They get me. They guide me, hype me up, roast me, and just exist in my life in the best way possible. I don’t even know how to describe them. They make me feel like me.

Okay, now let’s get to the real tea.

I have all these amazing people in my life. But sometimes, I still feel… I don’t know… lost? Like, I know they’re there for me. But why do I feel like I can’t always go to them? Why do I sometimes hesitate? Why does my brain go, nah, bad idea?

And then it hit me.

I have always been terrified of losing people. Since childhood. I was the loud, confident, very noticeable student. Had solid friends. Where are they now? Gone. Changed schools, changed lives, disappeared like my motivation on a Monday morning.

High school? Had a tight friend group. Where are they now? Some are married (which is wild). Others just poofed out of my life.

Higher secondary? I had close friends there too. But where are they now? Not even on my Instagram friends list. WhatsApp? Forget it.

College? Hah. Absolute waste of three years. The only good thing I got from that place? Arsha. That’s it. And even she knows I’m the cooler one.😌

So yeah, after looking back at my many friendship history flops, I finally have my answer. I like people. They like me back. (Or at least I think they do.) But they’re not always meant to stay.

Maybe I was too honest. Maybe I called them out on their fake behavior. Maybe I was too straightforward. One thing about me? If I lose the vibe, I lose the vibe. And trust? Once it’s gone, it’s gone. I don’t take people for granted….but let’s be real, some people have definitely taken me for granted.

I don’t even know if any of this makes sense. But I’m not deleting a word. This is pure, unfiltered, me. or its just my brain doing a data dump. Maybe it’s right, maybe it’s wrong. Maybe nothing will change after this.

But one thing I do know?

I love you all. Every single person in my life right now. And no, I’m not drunk. Or high. Just vibing alone in my big-ass flat, having an emotional moment.

And to the people I mentioned by name, you guys have no idea how much love I carry for each of you. You’re the best. I love you all forever. And I hope you’ll always be my best buddies.🫶

That’s it. No need to repeat myself. Love y’all. XOXO.

P.S. Roshan isn’t in this post because duh, he’s not just my friend. He’s my partner. Double roles don’t count. 😘